Just popping in to say Hi, and Merry Christmas!

Next year I promise to be a better blogger, and I say this every year, but next year I AM GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT!!! I know, lot's of exclamation marks in this short post :)

Next year it's all about ME. I am going to focus on ME and put myself first. In 2010, it's all about ME and MY goals! Naturally, it's about Ali too, since this is a joint blog, hehe.

See you in January :)

Still here

Sorry for being more than quiet here, (try non existent!)

It’s just that I’ve been having such a fantastic time here in Oz, I‘m trying to make the most of being here.

Not to mention the weight loss has taken a back seat while I’m here.

I’ve got a week left before I’m plunged back into the cold land of the UK and reality, so I‘m trying to make the most of it.
If only the rain would stop!!

In some ways I could totally move back here, and fit into my old life so easily, and in other ways I can’t wait to get back to the UK.

I’ve definitely enjoyed having my car again.

It’s just so easy to get places, none of this waiting for a bus that never comes.
It’s also useful in getting to the gym, and pool, and anywhere else I want to get to.

I think I’ve managed to do more exercise with the car than without, which surprises me.

There’s no excuse why I can’t go half way across town to the gym, when it takes less than 10mins in the car and you’re there!

I love the outdoor lifestyle you get in Australia., I miss it.

I’ve been trying to make the most of it as much as I can, getting out there and enjoying the sunshine, since that‘s almost non existent in the UK.

There’s this walk I used to do all the time when I was living here.
It’s about a 7km round trip around the Nepean River and the scenery is so stunning especially this time of year.


It’s just beautiful at the moment, with the smell of jasmine in the air, and the beautiful purple jacaranda's, almost everywhere you look .

It just screams Spring!

Not to mention getting out in the Blue mountains, and stomping through the bush (my second home!)


I love walking amongst the native plants, the UK has nothing on a Banksia!

I’ve spent heaps of time reacquainting myself with old haunts, and I love it.

Another thing I can’t get enough of is summer fruits. Yum

They’re definitely something I always took for granted when I was living here.


Fresh cherries warmed in the sun, strawberries that give your tastes buds tiny little orgasms when you bite into them, juicy watermelon on a summers day, and not to forget mango’s..
oh how I’ve missed thee.

I’m not looking forward to leaving next week, but at the same time It’ll be good to get back to reality and into a routine again…

Not to mention having money coming in as opposed to going out in droves!

Quotes

I've been trying to find a post on Philippa's blog. It was something along the lines of not waiting for everything to be perfect to lose weight, but to just do it. Along the lines of what I posted yesterday.

Remember the old saying, fake it till you make it?

Maybe the key to success is just doing it, afterall dont they say it takes 21 days to form a habit? So, if you "just do it" for 21 days, you'll have formed a new habit. Oh, so easy!! Lol

If you were to focus on changing one thing, and doing it for 21 days, what would it be?

To be successful

Im in Brisbane this week, at a work conference.

Today our keynote speaker was Phil Jauncey. He is a performance psychologist, with 4 degrees.

His presentation was obviously not intended for weight loss, but could so easily be applied to weight loss.

Check out the video his website (from 1:34 mins) (scroll to the bottom of the page)

Ok, here's my notes from today.

Success is not dependent on:
MOTIVATION
POSITIVE THINKING
GOOD ATTITUDE
GOOD FOCUS

Basically he was saying these things alone will not make you successful, and they are not excuses for not being successful. Eg: you wont lose weight by being motivated, instead you need to eat right and exercise (put simply), and vice versa, saying I cant lose weight because Im not motivated is not an excuse.

Alrighty, so now we have Phil's 6 steps to success.
Step 1: assess what am I doing now?
Step 2: is it working?
Step 3:
a) if it's working, dont change
b) it it's not working, change

If you need to change, follow steps 4 to 6

Step 4: be specific with your goals, be clear about what you want to achieve and be able to see it
Step 5: make a plan
Step 6: act on it

Pretty simple....

Last up, reasons why we fail:
1. you dont know WHAT to do
2. you dont know HOW to do it
3. you dont have the resources to do it (ABILITY)
4. you dont want to (CHOICE)

He also spoke about "positive doing" instead of "positive thinking".

He has a few books, which Im adding to my wishlist.

Hopefully that all made some sense.

A little example, if you dont FEEL like getting out of the bed in the morning to exercise, what do you do?? His response, get out of bed! JUST DO IT!!

It's been awhile

What can I say...

Remember that goal of going without chocolate for the 6 week challenge that I had?

I made it a few days...

It kind of came crashing down when multiple 1kg boxes of chocolates hit the department...

Seriously, you try to avoid those tiny, tempting little packets of foil, especially when you're having a shocker of day!

I'm not giving up on it completely though, I'm going to try again in the new year.


Yesterday was my last day in Leeds.

I'm actually really sad that I'm leaving them.

It's the longest job I've had in the last 3 years, and I loved everybody in their own way.
It's definitely been a week of social outings, & catching up with everyone before I go.
I did try choose the healthy option most of the time.
Though there was a fair amount of booze flowing last night, too many free drinks from people (not that I was complaining!).

And I left in style...

By falling bum first out of a car!
(I'm all class!)

Needless to say, I don't recommend having to pack when you're hungover, it's not a very pretty sight.

But I managed to pack my life of 2 years into my pack, and a small carry on & boy was it heavy!

I even got the whole tingly sensations down my arms after about 30mins of carrying it, which can't be good.

I have to say though carrying a heavy pack around for a few hours, definitely makes you realise what being overweight is doing to your body.

Everything is immediately harder to do, a short walk, standing still, climbing a short flight of stairs, going through train doors (though that may have something to do with all the other bits and bobs I was carrying), even picking something up off the ground is near impossible.

Being overweight is like having to carry that pack around, day in and day out, never being able to put it down.

I'm off back to Oz tomorrow night, and while I'm not planning to be 100% good while I'm home. I can't wait to get back to my old gym, and go swimming at the beach/pool. So hopefully things will even each other out.

See you on the flip side!

Ali 1 : Chocolate None!

Guess who had access to copious amounts of chocolate today, and resisted???

That’d be me!

Woo hoo!

One of the “nice” patients brought in a massive box of chocolate for all the lovely radiographers (we do like those nice patients, no special treatment at all!)

Anyone that’s worked in a hospital environment knows that any type of sugar goodness is well received!

We’re not allowed to accept money, but who can resist food!

Anyways the box sat right behind me for 5 hours… and I resisted that delicious chocolate!


Weekend

I survived my 2 epic bus journeys in style, and within points.

Didn't see that one happening did you!?!

Sunday was a little on the pointy side, where I think I ate 3 days points in one day.

oops

I blame it on being locked in the accommodation, well maybe not locked in, but unable to lock the door
(After leaving my keys in London, and having to break in, stress eating,!! But kind of hilarious.)



Weigh in

Weighed in today and lost 800g.

Happy with that, after the dismal eating yesterday.


Tomorrow

We're having a surprise party at work tomorrow as it's CK's 40th Birthday, so lots of nibbles to be had...

I've been good I picked up lots of carrots, and I'm taking some low fat dips, as well as what I've been told to bring...

That way at least there will be something low fat to snack on.

I just need to choose that option instead of the more delicious looking pointy ones which I know will be there!

wish me luck

Spring into Summer Challenge - Week 1 results

My first week of the Spring into Summer Challenge is over, and the results are a 300gm gain. Considering how excited (I thought) I was about this challenge, I had a hard time actually starting it and making any changes.

I've decided I need to take this weight loss journey day by day to begin with, and set myself daily goals. Baby steps!

Today my goals were to do 10 mins on the exercise bike and to track my food in Calorie King. I've done both.

I decided to swap from WW to Calorie King for a bit. I need to focus a bit more on the nutritional side of my food, instead of just sticking to pts or calories. I've been bordering on having high blood pressure for a while now and it appears the boy has developed it also. So we both need to get serious and lose some weight. I like being able to track my sodium intake in Calorie King, hence the swap to Calorie King. I'll put a link over on side to my food diary on Calorie King for anyone interested.

Today's food:
Breakfast: nothing (slept in and wasnt hungry)
Lunch: footlong Subway club, with cheese and honey mustard sauce (skipped breakfast so thought I would use up the calories at lunch. Next time would stick to the 6 inch)
Dinner: chicken parmigana and salad
Snacks: apple, orange, Subway cookie, 1/2 Byron Bay cookie

Calories: 1,581/1,900
Sodium: 3,416/1,500

I did some quick research on suggested sodium intake and it's recommended to have around 1,500 to 2,000mg. Im aiming for the lower end.

My Subway had 2,500mg of sodium. OMG! Evil Subway!!


Here's a pic of my dog (just because) taken today :)

Currently

listening to: silence
crushing on: kristin cavallari

lusting over: MAC makeup (I have a huge wishlist)
consuming: ice break
rocking: you're such a kabuki queen
watching: being erica
stressing over: study/exam
scared of: never losing weight
make up essential: lipgloss
wanting: a new car
loving: good health mag
hanging for: a holiday
addicted to: ice break

Stolen from Miss Nicky

I promise I'll do a real post soon.

I had a few moments of weakness today which I’m not proud of.

Every Thursday here, they do procedures in one of the CT rooms & the nurses and Doctors involved bring in goodies for morning tea, like biscuits & cake.
Mainly because they don’t have time to go have a proper tea break.

Anyways today they brought in a delicious assortment of Viennese biscuits.

I had one before lunch, and it just melted in my mouth. Yum

Anyways by afternoon, the procedures were over and they all left, leaving the left over goodies behind.

Bad mistake.

I ate 3 more as the afternoon went on.

I should have stopped at the first one.

I managed to fit them into my points.
Though they kind of feel like wasted points.

I didn’t really want them, I just ate them because they were there.

Mindless eating is definitely something I need to work on.

I’ve got a bit of an epic journey on the bus tomorrow.

Since I’m cheap and unorganised I’ve decided to catch the bus from Leeds to London over the weekend..

Nothing like an epic 5hr journey in peak hour on a Friday to keep you on your toes… (I’m thinking it will be more along the lines of 7hrs at least!)

My plan is to have dinner at lunch, and then maybe a sandwich on the bus for dinner.

Need to work out some low point snacks to take with me as well. what I take is what I can have.

And then I get to turn around and do it all again to come back!

Joys…

3 days in...

So I managed to last a good 2.75 days before I cracked it and had some chocolate.

It wasn't exactly chocolate... but a chocolate covered cake...
The boss went off at tea time and came back with a collection of them and gave everyone one.

I had good intentions at first, and left it to the side hoping one of the guts of the department would come along and wolf it down...

but no such luck, and it beckoned to me after lunch..

It's chocolatey goodness just melted away in my mouth.


I suck!

Anyways moving along

Carrying on from yesterdays post

I agree with you Nicky. I am a grazer, always have been, and suppose I always will.

Just trying something different this week, to see if it makes much of a difference.

I'm missing rice crackers. (they used to be my staple of 1p snacks.)
I need to get a carrot fund going in the fridge, with some salsa.
I love nuts, but I don't think I have the will power to stop at just 5 cashews at the moment, I'm more likely to inhale the bag because they're so morishly good.
Diet Jelly is good for a 0 pt sugar rush
as is low fat yogurt (I'm extremely fussy with yogurt, the one I like over here is 1.5pts a small tub)
Struggling with getting enough fruit at the moment; it's winter here, and it's a dreadful fruit time. I miss fresh summer fruits.

But Banana's are a bargain, and one can never have enough!
I still remember a few years back when banana's were $8 a kilo, and I spent $5 for one banana... desperate times!!!!

Buying the popcorn was a mistake.
I knew that when I bought it... I had a mini argument with myself in the shop before I even bought it!
Should I own up and admit I bought 2 packets too (it was buy one get one free... stupid offers!) but happy to report that I've already rationed it out into little bags and have so far kept it like that.

But air-popped corn would have been so much better for me.

I bought my mum one of those popcorn makers for mothers day one year, it was awesome, and I was always using it... funny, I can't remember my mum using it ever... maybe I should steal it back!?!

And Kristy, I usually try have morning tea, and something to eat of an afternoon as well.

I've just been a little slack on organising myself of a morning of late, I keep sleeping in. It's just so dark outside, an my bed is so warm! I often end up running for the bus, and in the process not having time to pack proper snacks/ lunches...

Time goes back an hour next week... I'll have no excuses!

I'm generally ready to gnaw off my arm when I get home, that's when my snacking seems to be at it's worse.

Which is where I'm trying not to snack so much. Some days I snack so much I don't end up having dinner.

Food log

B: Special K+ skim milk (3)
L: Homemade chicken salad (4.5) & mini yogurt (1.5)
S: mars cake bar (3) (naughty naughty!)
D: WW thin & crispy chicken fajita pizza (7)
S: Popcorn (4)

Some idiot stole my banana at work, trust them to steal that rather than the cake!

Week 1 S2S: Food Log

Monday

B: Special k with skim milk (3)
S: mini yogurt (1.5)
L: Greggs Char grilled oval bite (sandwich from a bakery chain over here in the UK) &
Packet of mini Cheddars (pure evil I tell you... but delicious!) (11)
S: Velvet crunch crisps (2)
D: 2 ww sausages,with bread & salad (6)
S: Diet jelly (0)

Total 23.5 (over 0.5)

Tuesday

B: Special K with skim milk (3)
L: Homemade chicken salad & mini yogurt (6.5)
S: Morrison's butter salted popcorn (3.5)
D: Chicken Caesar melt (4.5), with salad, & a serving of Oven baked chips (4.5).
S: WW rice custard (1.5)

Total 23.5 (over 0.5)


So yeah the last 2 days haven't been the healthiest of days.
But I've got in lots of salad veggies, and I've just been to the supermarket and picked up some fruit.

I bought the popcorn before I could stop myself... It's good though... mmm popcorn, but I didn't really need it.

I'm trying to limit the snacking by eating more at lunch and dinner this week.

Another day, another weigh in

It’s been 9 weeks now since I started this weight loss journey again.

There’s been some gains, but mainly losses..
Not too many huge ones, but losses all the same.

Today I finally reached the big FIVE



That’s 5kgs off and out of there!

Wooohooo!

I’d be lying if I said I was completely happy how things are progressing.

Things are moving a little to slowly for my liking.

I love to be rewarded after putting in the effort, who doesn‘t?, and these measly little losses I’ve been having of late are really doing my head in.

I’ve tried changing what I eat, amounts, eating more/less at different times of the day, and nothing seems have kicked off this weight loss at all.

It’s reasonable to be asking for a 700g loss a week?, I weigh over 100kgs after all.

Isn’t it recommended that you lose 1% of your total body weight a week.

At least initially.

Anyways this week I’ve decided to drop my daily points allowance by 3, and see if that has some effect.

Anyone following the WW plan either in the UK or Oz, will know that in order to work out your daily points now, you take a little quiz.

I have an active job where I’m constantly running about like a headless chicken, walking close to 7-8 KM a day, just at work (and I work in a box!)

So technically I’m dropping the extra points I’ve been given because of that.

I think I might take to wearing my pedometer, and recording the actual bonus points I should be getting while at work. To see if they correspond to what I’m actually meant to be using.


Other news:

Today marked the start of the next 6 week challenge.

I haven’t quite worked out what my challenge goals are going to be this time, but have a few.

• No chocolate
• Getting back into the nineties
• Beating Jadey!

Kristy I’m sure is going to leave me in the dust this time round!

I have an excuse though, half way through I’m heading back to OZ for a visit.

My first in 2 years…

Now it can go either way.

1. I go completely nuts making the most of all the delicious Aussie foods I’ve missed living in the UK
2. I realise I’ve gone without it for 2 years why do I want it now!?!

Mmm I wonder which road I shall take?

I’m hoping it won’t be all bad. I’m excited to be able to swim outdoors again, and go to a gym with classes that I can actually attend!

Wooohooo for combat classes!

But I don’t want to make things to strict for myself, as I know there’s bound to be a whole heap of socialising going on.

But it would be nice to come away having had a great time, and lost some of that excess baggage in the process.

Spring into Summer

I thought I'd share my goals for the Spring into Summer Challange here:

1) lose 6kg
2) track my eating (at least 80% of the time)
3) be able to ride my exercise bike for 30 mins (I've already wrote up a plan, similiar to C25k)
4) drink 1 lt of water daily
5) develop a skincare routine, stick to it and stop buying more products (wanted to have 1 non-weight related goal)
6) try 6 new recipes

I am really psyched (that looks wierd) about this challenge!

So when I last blogged, about 3 weeks, these were my stat's:
Week 1: 2kg loss
Week 2: 1.6kg loss
Week 3: 100gm gain
Week 4: 1.7kg gain
Total loss: 1.8kg

These are my updated stat's:
Week 1: 2kg loss
Week 2: 1.6kg loss
Week 3: 100gm gain
Week 4: 1.7kg gain
Week 5: no weigh in
Week 6: no weigh in
Week 7: 400gm gain
Total loss: 1.4kg

And here's my graph from ww online....

**THIS** is the cycle I need to break! And I am hoping this 6 week challenge will help me get beyond the initial 2 to 3 weeks.

PS. I hate this blue background...

No chocoate...

So as part of this whole Spring into Summer challenge (which should be Freeze into Winter, since it's definitely not springing into Summer here!)

I'm going with the group and giving up chocolate for 6 weeks.

Not sure how I'm going to last a day, let alone 6 whole weeks without it.

Oh delicious chocolate how I shall miss you...

Challenge time!

Just a quick post...

I am doing the "we are slimming" 6 week Spring into Summer Challenge! Have you signed up?? The challenge starts tomorrow (but you can join any in any day next week).

Spring into Summer Challenge

Calling all old Weight watchers

Anyone out there have or remember the old weight watchers program?
I'm taking the pre Discovery plan, or whatever they're calling it in OZ.?

I'm talking 2001 style were there wasn't a quiz for how active you are in the day, there was just a weight range, and the number of points you were allowed.

I need to get my hands on a copy.

I've done the points quiz on the program over here a few times, and I still reckon they expect me to eat too many points.
Sure I love the extra goodies I can nibble on with my extra points, but I don't remember ever being on this many points before, even in my heaviest of days.

It's just not working for me

I just finished a 6 week mini challenge over at We are Slimming, and for a change I actually stuck to it, and lost 1.7kgs.
It's a loss, yes.
But not an impressive one.

Even having active weeks, with lots of incidental exercise and planned exercise, and eating well, the scales hardly budge much.
Everyone knows what kick to the motivation levels a small loss has, especially when you've given it your all.

I've varied my food intake through out the day;
eating more for breakfast and lunch, and less for dinner.
changed what I've been eating,
had smaller meals, more often
had larger meals less often.

nothing seems to change things

So I've decided I must be on too many points

I know the other system from back in the day works, I've proven it

So if anyone has an old copy of it lying around, do you mind emailing/posting the weight/points chart..

Otherwise I'll just have to dig out my old copy when I come back to visit in a few weeks..

Though I'm interested to see how many people like the older program better than the new improved one?

Anyone?


On anther note;

I've been banashied to the other hospital across town to work today, they're "borrowing" me.

The problem is I have no idea where this so called hospital is and how to get there....

wish me luck! ;o)

Pre- Prepared meals

I've been living in the dark ages it seems.

I've just discovered the best section in the supermarket... the pre-prepared meal section

I'm not talking, frozen meals, or microwavable meals.

I'm talking whole meals in a packet, with all the ingrediants included, and all you have to do is cook it! (the lazy chef in me loves it!)

It's fantastic..

I love cooking.

But since I came over here to the Uk I've been pretty sparse recipie wise.

I'm one of those "eat it to death" kind of people, where I'll eat the same thing over and over agin, because I love it, and it's easy...

Stirfry is a common feature for dinner, not only is it quick an easy, but you can make a massive wok full that'll last you all week!

As is steamed veggies, they seem to cater for families where I shop, with massive bags of fresh mixed veggies, so I end up eating them day in and day out!

But this new find has broadened my horizons...

Here we have dinners for one or two, and relatively low in fat.

Chicken topped with backon and Cheddar

Roast lamb with thyme & rosemary, and roasted vegtables

Salmon in all sorts of flavours

The list is endless.

Before you judge, I should remind you that I have no fixed abode.

I'm literally living out of my backpack, and have been for the last 3 years..

Think of how excited you feel when you get home after a longish holiday, and get to unpack your things...

Then think what happens when you don't get to unpack them!

That'd be me..

Somedays I wish I had a "home", other days I just can't even think what that would be like.

I mostly stay in hospital accomodation, which can really go either way.

I've stayed in some hotel worthy places where you have your own bathrom.

But many are like staying in a hostel (only you get your own room), with mushroom infested showers (like where I am now)

(Makes you wonder what the kitchen is like, if there's mushrooms growing in the bathroom, doesn't it!? ;O)

Think of all the little things you need to start a kitchen from scratch.

Plates, cutley, frypans, woks, baking trays, spices, rice, flour, the staples most kitchens have already.

Every time I move, I have to start again.

I'll admit to being a food thief on occasion, stealing spices and such from the communal cupboard... cause what's the point of going and buying my own when all you want is a sprinkle (right!?!)

It's joyful...

Anyways I've been eating out my cupboard the last few weeks, trying to use up the last of things. (For the sole reason that I'm off back to Oz in 4 weeks, then moving somewhere completely different when I eventually find a job in Jan.)

So I need to be able to physically move what I own in one trip!

So having to go out an buy more essential items, for delicious looking recipies is just not happening at the moment..

I've been getting a little bored of late eating the same sorts of things.

One can only eat so much pasta people, before they themself turn into a sticky sprial shape!

With me now!?!

So now do you understand my delight at finding the Pre-Prepared meals at the supermarket!?!

Dinner in a box... you can't beat it!

Weekends

What is it about the weekend, that has resolve disintegrating like a chocolate cookie in a cup of steaming tea?

Is it the freedom of not having work to occupy your mind?
Or the fact you have more time to obsess over food?
More time to cook exclusive delicious things?
Or even just more occasions for temptation to bite you on the bum?

I struggled today.

It kind of started when there was a sale on Kit kats in the supermarket.

Not really bring a huge chocolate fan I don’t eat too much of it.

But this week there’s been a bit of the good old craving of some melt in your mouth chocolate.
Fuelled probably by the fact that I have a 1.1kg tub of delightful mini chocolates just sitting on my wardrobe, awaiting the joys of leaving this place.
I’ve been tempted to crack them open, after all no one would notice one missing.

But knowing me… would I stop at just one???

Most likely not.

So anyway while I was out picking up some milk and eggs, I picked up a strip of Kit Kats, 9 for a pound…
bargain!

They lasted a while sitting there on their own, before I cracked opened the packet.
Letting that delicious chocolaty smell escape.

I savoured the first.

Then I found myself calculating how many of the delights I could devour in one sitting rather than savouring a select few.

I wish I could say I my mission was a success and I walked away after just two, feeling thoroughly satisfied.

But alas, I did not.

Instead I ate until there was no taste, just texture and the sound of chewing, setting my thoughts to a soothing rhythm.

Why do I do things like that?

I’ve had such a brilliant week otherwise.

That’s it, I’m sewing my mouth shut, and eating through a straw!

My Story

Some of you will have heard my story before, others may not.

But it’s one of those things that needs to be said when you start a new blog.

For most of my life I’ve battled with my weight,
kind of like being on a never ending bungee jump...
that just keeps going up and down...

My first weight related memories are when I was about 12 years old, and realised when looking in the mirror one day that I had a few stretch marks on my upper thighs...
being well and truly into the swimming scene, this was horrific find...

I was mortified...

I remember standing in front of the mirror pulling at my swimmers to try hide them... for hours...

I was always solid, though fit

What no one told me was that these were "growing stretch marks" and that most people got them...
I used to try hide them whenever I was at the pool....

Eventually I turned to food for comfort, as many of us do...
with the thought in the back of my mind that if I ate, it would all go away...
Where really all that does is make things worse.

Why is it that family gatherings etc are all to do with food, think birthdays, mother/fathers day, Easter, Christmas.... everything generally revolves around food..

In my family it was the same, achievements were celebrated with outings to restaurants, or takeaway...
Birthdays the same...
as the years went on there were more and more celebrations to be had, all with some kind of food...

There's something wrong when you're only eating one home cooked meal a week...

Mondays was swimming club, and dinner usually involved a BBQ at the pool
Tuesdays was Italian with creamy pastas and sauces
Wednesdays
Thursdays was piano and late night shopping, and since i had lessons next to the shopping center dinner was always something from there
Fridays was takeaway night, whether it be fish and chips, Chinese, pizza....

It's no wonder as the years went on I put on weight...

I remember being constantly ridiculed by my parents and my brother about my size, and thinking to myself, why are they picking on me?, when the whole family was overweight.

it's no wonder that we were.
but looking back at pictures... there was nothing wrong about my size...

Whether they just meant to be mean, or to make me more aware of what I looked like, and about what I was eating.

Their taunts had the opposite effect.

I’d just eat more and more...
I remember turning to food as a comfort source.
Thinking the more I ate the less it would matter...

Needless to say I eventually gave up swimming competitively, which was a very sore point with my mum especially...i can pinpoint the exact moment she stopped giving a damn, and it was the moment i told her, no i wasn't going to swim competitively anymore.

I’d still go to swimming club as it was a huge social event for me... and who doesn't like the view of cute boys in swimming trunks!

But by stopping swimming 6 times a week, and still eating at the same rate, all the muscle I had turned to fat (yeah I know it doesn't really... but you know what I mean)

I got slowly more and more overweight...

it never bothered me much about being overweight, I was a happy bubbly person which heaps of friends all over the place who liked me for who I was...

over the years my parents tried diet after diet after diet.... never sticking to one for more than 3 days at a time...

one of these was weight watchers, which my father decided to do by mail...

he lasted a week... and then gave up in favour of eating what he wanted when he wanted.

It wasn't until mid way through year 12 (or 6th form) that I decided I needed to do something about my weight... maybe it was something to do with the looming university life and being a small fish in a big fish tank had me grasping at straws... so I dug out the at home books, and started to follow them in secret.

i remember SB was doing it too, and we'd chat about it at school.... though she was only 60kgs to start with... i managed to lose a few kgs... but didn't really stick with it...

it was hard to stick with it when you're living at home with no access to funds to by healthier options.

i still ate dinner with my family.

October 1999, brought me my first ever paying job, as a learn to swim instructor... what more motivation do you need than that to lose some weight...

it was working for the same company who i used to train with when i was competing, so a lot of the staff there i already new...

I organised myself, and had the determination to succeed, and i began to follow the points program in earnest in the new year...
weighing in at 104kgs...the first 10 weeks saw me lose 10kgs...

i started to think differently, eat differently and feel more i control.

I never told anyone in my family what i was doing, I’d still eat what they were eating, but I’d stop eating the more unhealthier options...

if they were having takeaway, I’d say no I’ll just have beans on toast, that sort of thing...

i remember eavesdropping when my mum was on the phone, and she was saying "I think she's trying to be healthy, but she won't last"...

and I think that's what lead to me keeping my weight loss attempt a secret... because in the back of mind there was that doubt of not getting there, of giving up...

as I lost the weight I’d get compliments and I’d say no I’m not trying to lose weight, yet inside I was glowing... someone had noticed...

I never told a soul until i was almost 2/3rd of the way to goal. By then it was obvious I was up to something.

Why ??

I was ashamed that I’d let myself go, i never wanted to admit that I weighted what I did, and i didn't have the belief in myself that i could do it. and in my mind telling those people close to me would mean that they'd all be waiting for me to fail.

However after just over a year I got to goal in August 2002. Those in the know, knew i was on weight watchers and shared in my success, though i did keep it a general secret from most of my friends...

it was the whole going to weight watchers... thinking of those taunts that kids yell, weight watchers was for "fat people".

what i didn't want to admit was i was "fat" and that kept me from voicing it out loud...

though I'll never forget the feeling when i was at one of my meetings when i was getting close to goal, and overheard two women who we just about to join talking, and they said why is she here, she's skinny...having been overweight most of my adult life... to be called skinny was a dream come true...

after losing just over 40kgs it was no longer about the numbers i just wanted to tone up everything.

i had so much energy, i almost lived at the gym, my friends would joke that they should send letters there instead of my home, as i was more often there than at home...

it wasn't uncommon for me to be there 2 times a day... even 3...

but what happened...

I finished university in 2003 and I got my first ever full time job.

suddenly my free life of heading to the gym 3hrs a day, was one of the past. while i still ate healthily, my portion sizes grew bigger, more and more meals were substituted for meals out.

Suddenly i had more money than ever before and in turn became more social.
The bickie jar at work, became more than just temptation.

My gym buddies also got new jobs, and moved away, leaving me buddy-less.

less motivation to get up before dawn and head to the gym alone, and slowly i began to gain some of the weight back on... and over time I'd lose say 4 kgs, and then put on 5... so the weight went up...snacks and junk seemed to be more tempting and i had less resolve to avoid them...

the more i worked the less i went to the gym, until soon the gym became a distant memory..

I remember having a conversation with my boss at the pool, (one of the people that knew i was at ww, who had actually convinced me to go to meetings, and eventually as my courage grew and my meeting closed down i headed with her to her meeting.) just after i got to goal, about how it felt to have lost so much, and i remember her saying "you've worked too hard to get where you are now, you won't let yourself put it back on again"

yet here i am 3 years later almost back where i started...

I feel disgusted with myself for it happening...

I cant say it was all smooth sailing,
I got pregnant, then after dealing with the thought of being pregnant, had a miscarriage.
Turning to food seemed some what logical to someone who'd always used it as a comfort factor...

There's been many attempts at getting back on the wagon all throughout the last few years... but it's all just been a yoyo

In the last few years my whole life has changed and with that the way I think and act as well... (sometimes it's not a good thing) with a move overseas to the UK, travelling to far off places, deaths, new friends, all sorts paving the way..

For awhile I’ve not really cared about what I do, I have no long-term plans, no idea what i want to do next, I’ve been living each day as it comes, and taking each job that comes along, working my way through the UK... with no real goal in sight.

I’ve had some long deep and meaningful conversations with some friends of late, and slowly I’m trying to organise my thoughts a bit.

Since arriving over here 3 years ago, I’ve definitely have put on weight.
Not a lot, but noticeable I’d say...

I still eat relatively healthily, but it's the alcohol that's played a big part of my weight gain, like most people that head over this way..

The British life revolves around the pub.
it's not uncommon to head to the local pub every night after work for a few drinks before heading on home..

There's been many times over here when I’ve tried to get my head in order and back to losing weight, but my many attempts have been in vain.

I just don’t want to live like this anymore, I want to get back to living my life.

I'm moving house this weekend, so I wont be around for a few days.

Thank goodness I'm only moving 4km. Our last move was 2,500km....

Nicky, I hope you have an awesome engagement party!

See you next week

25 reasons I hate being fat

I’m going to jump on Kristy’s bandwagon here, because I'm totally not original! :O)

1. I hate the way my shirt clings to every protruding lump
2. I hate how I always feel self conscious. Like everyone around me must be looking at me and thinking “wow, how huge is she".
3. I feel the need to constantly try to prove myself (like at work, I work twice as hard as everyone so it doesn’t look as if the fat person’s slacking)
4. I hate the way I have to avert my eyes from the mirror when I get out of the shower
   I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see
5. I hate being asked “when are you due?”
6. I hate the way I look naked
7. I hate the way my ass strains to get free from the confines of my ever shrinking jeans
8. Every time I get on a plane, I pray that the seat belt will fit, and I won’t need to get one of the extension bits.
9. I hate the way my undulating waves of excess jiggle when I walk.
10. I think about my weight ALL the time
11. I hate the way I look in swimming costumes... (I love to swim, but I really feel or those that have to see me in one)
12. stretch marks, Yuck!
13. I hate having my picture taken at a certain angle, and when I'm not paying attention.
14. I hate that I never feel sexy anymore, and wonder how anyone could find me attractive
15. I hate being surrounded by skinny girls that complain about being to fat.. seriously go eat a cheeseburger or something!
16. I hate being in denial about who/what I've become
17. I dislike not feeling comfortable in my own skin anymore
18. I hate feeling ugly and un-attractive (not that I make an effort these days to make myself presentable)
19. Sleeveless Shirts
20. That awful feeling when you start to get chafing of my inner thighs on a hot day
21. Button up shirts -they're just not made for people with excess cleavage
22. I hate that I'm ALWAYS comparing myself to someone else
23. The confinement of small bathroom stalls... not everyone is a size zero you know people
24. Getting off a crowded bus- it's like a bulldozer in a field
25. But most of all I just hate how being fat makes me feel

I have been on so many diets, tried so many things, so many times for so many years, it hardly seems that I have not done something about it.

If all it took to lose weight was to count calories or points, who the hell would choose to be fat?

Who in their right mind would choose a lifetime of self-hatred, trapped in a blubbery prison cell of their own making?

God I hate being fat.

Lucky that's all about to change

Reasons to lose weight (aka why I hate being overweight)

I've seen a few of these lists posted around blogland, so I thought I'd share my list today.

Here we go:

* aching feet and sore knees
* feeling like Im in my 60's instead of my 30's (my parents are in their 50's and they are so much healthier and fitter than me)
* worrying about whether I'll fit in a chair (armrests are becoming a nightmare!)
* squeezing into the biggest size in plus size shops
* not fitting between the armrests on the plane seats
* being the odd one out at family gathering (everyone else is healthy)
* feeling awkward
* always being the fattest person wherever I go
* avoiding social events
* having people not recognise me because I have gained so much weight

I'll add to this as I think of more.

PS. I found the remote, so my updated stat's are:
Week 1: 2kg loss
Week 2: 1.6kg loss
Week 3: 100gm gain
Week 4: 1.7kg gain

Total loss: 1.8kg

Savoury vs sweet

For years I thought I had a sweet tooth, but lately I find myself craving crisps (chips) and other salty foods over sweet things.

I haven't really noticed a pattern to it.

It doesn't happen at any particular time of day, or night, & it tends to be carb heavy things that I go for, bread, cereal, crisps (chips) nuts, etc.

Not to say I don’t like baking sweet things, or staring at them through the clear glasses in a bakery.

Gleaming fruit tarts; tall, intricately-designed wedding cakes; adorable, pretty-in-pink cupcakes; dense and dark brownies.

They’re lovely to look at, but lately don't tempt me at all.

It's bizarre, I've noticed it more since I moved over to the UK.

Maybe I'm becoming more accustomed to their savoury ways.

After all a meal is not complete unless you've had a packet of chips...

Question of the day:

Are you a sweet or savory or combo?

Im a tad excited about being back in blogland :) Seeing your comments and Ali's post made me feel all happy this morning :)

As I mentioned, I've been back on the weight loss wagon for 4 weeks now.

Here's my stat's
Week 1: 2kg loss
Week 2: 1.6kg loss
Week 3: 100gm gain
Week 4: skipped weigh-in

This is a familiar pattern for me.... I guess this is the pattern I have been following for the past few years. After the skipped weigh-in, I tend to give up.

Usually I weigh myself on Saturdays. I was going to weigh this morning, but I couldnt find the tv remote control. I weigh in on the wii. Seems in my clean up over the weekend I've misplaced the remote... I shall search tonight and weigh tomorrow.

I thought I'd post a bit of background info tonight. I've been yo-yo dieting for the past 20 years. Im 32 yrs old. I've been overweight for about 10 years now.

I've tried:
* Weight Watchers
* Jenny Craig
* Gloria Marshall
* Curves
* Fernwood
* Dietitian
* Intuitive Eating
* Calorie King
* Cohens
* CSIRO

I've read:
* If not dieting, then what
* Beyond Chocolate (IE)
* The clothesline diet
* CSIRO (anyone want to buy the latest book off me?)
* French woman dont get fat (and the follow up book)
* FAT is a feminist issue
* Does this clutter make my butt look fat?
* Fattitude
* The Jon Gabriel Method
The list goes on and on...

The only weigh loss methods I have been successful with are Weight Watchers (lost 20kg in about a year) and Cohens (lost 15kg in 2 months). Just thinking about doing Cohens again makes me want to binge...... It's so restrictive! So, it's back to Weight Watchers. I know it works for me :)

The things I struggle with are:
* being on a "diet"
* feeling deprived
* emotional eating
* all or nothing attitude

I guess I have a few things to work on!

That's me for today. Thanks for reading :)

The other half...

So I'm the other half of this awesome duo!

I like the background, kind of reminds me of hundreds and thousands, and cupcakes…

Not sure where the cupcakes come from… maybe I’m craving some after the nutter down the corridor just cooked some, isn't that just rude!

I can’t believe it’s been 6 weeks since we had this great idea to create a blog together… and yet here we are making our first posts…

We seriously Suck! :O)

As Kristy said, we’re both doing WW.

We’ve both had huge success in the past and lost a whole heap of weight with it.

I actually made it all the way to goal, only to discover a social life, among other things, and now here I am heavier than I ever was..

I’m completely disgusted with myself for letting myself get this big again.

It’s gotten to the stage where I just hate who I’ve become.

I’ve got no excuses, no one else to blame but myself.

I’ve been back on the wagon for a good 6 weeks now and lost 3.3kgs, I’ve had a few stumbles as I’ve tried to sort myself out.

I seem to go great guns for 3 weeks, then hit a snag or three…

This week just gone, I went to Slovenia.

It was amazing, and also one of the best destinations to go while trying to lose weight (well apart from the serving sizes which would rival that of America!) all the activities require copious amounts of energy.

There were walking, trails to hike, stairs to climb, boats to paddle, rafting, mountain biking, gorge to explore… you name it, they had it.


It’s the first holiday this year that I think I will have lost weight when I weigh in tomorrow (that and I have a sneaky peaky at the scales this morning! Naughty, naughty! )

Though there were things I would have loved to have done and didn’t, or would have loved to have done better.

• Like swim out to the island in the middle of the lake and ring the bell for luck. ( It wasn't the swimming out there that bothered me, it was the fact that I'd have to walk around in my swimmers once over there... can't scare the locals, that would be cruel)
• Rafting on what are meant to be the best rapids in the world (but the thought of squeezing my body into a revealing wetsuit, had me turning that option down in no time at all…No person should have to witness that, it'd be like stuffing tennis balls into perfectly good stocking)
• We did a hike up one of the mountains to get postcard perfect view, it almost killed me, it was so steep all the way... (kind of what you'd expect though when you're climbing a mountain!)

Though I loved the feeling of accomplishment I had when I reached the top in one piece, the look on my face in the picture below says it all... (thank god that's over!)

I’d love to go back and do it quicker next time.

I'm also on my way home from the UK in just 6 short weeks for a visit...

I'd love to shed some Kilo's before then.

Welcome

Hi!

So, where to start...

Back in August, Ali and I decided to join forces and blog together about our weight loss journeys. We created this blog, but that was as far we got. So, 6 weeks later, I thought it was about time we started posting.

We thought about going anonymous. Anonymity was pretty appealing to me. You see, I used to blog about 5 years ago. I lost 20kg and was 5kg from my goal weight. Somehow I fell completely off the wagon and gained 45kg. How did I let my weight get so out of control?

At first I wasnt worried about the weight gain, I knew I could lose it again. But it eventually got to the point where I had gained so much weight that it seemed such a huge task to lose it again. I guess in the end, I just gave up. I kept thinking at some point, the weight gain will stop, but the scary thing is it didnt.

Back to the question of being anonymous, I guess we'll be anonymous to anyone who hasnt read our blogs previously :)

Oh, Ali and I are both following WW.

I've been back on the weight loss wagon for 4 weeks now. I'll post an update tomorrow about how Im going.

Im a bit excited to see some of the old bloggers back on the weight loss wagon again :) I miss the old days of blogging.

See you tomorrow!